I lost myself

This is not my diary but it could be yours. Just to make you understand better,i would be writing like its mine.

What kind of relationship are you in now, are you really happy or has love blinded you.

First day in the university, with new hopes of starting afresh, I walked into the class, I sat in front, the class was yet to start when he walked in, I've never met him before but he smiled and i lost myself, I saw a flash of love beside and i lost my mind, wow love at first sight really exist. 
He sat behind me and all the hairs on my skin rose, he said hey and i stuttered, i was lost at that moment,that was the beginning of my doom, i should never have replied.

Few weeks later we got into a relationship, i found out he was a player and he had so many girls on his list,but it was too late, he had already stolen my heart,i wanted to remain a virgin but he took it away one not so lovely night at his house,another big mistake but i didn't know because i couldn't stop anymore, i was slowly getting addicted to him. 

We continued dating and i found out he became possessive over me,he stopped me from talking to male course mates and hanging out with them, at first it was cute till he slapped me for it. 
He was cheating but he didn't want me to be friendly with guys,anyways back to the slap, i was shocked he could slap me, i can remember clearly the way he apologized that day, but that wasn't the last, from one slap it became two,then three, then massive beating sometimes.
 I told him i wanted to leave but he didn't want me to, he always apologized and i ended up always staying.

I used to think it was my fault he hits me, but i was just slowly loosing myself without knowing. My roommates and friends used to ask if i was crazy to still be with him but i kept on saying he loves me and i love him too.

I caught him with girls most times but i still couldn't leave, I became single at home and married  
in school, i cooked, cleaned and did everything a wife would do for him.
Let me tell you the funniest part,he wasn't proud of me,i wasn't his type so he didn't show me off.
He loved thick girls with light skin, but i was quite the opposite, he even cheated with his neighbor but i still didn't leave him.

whenever i decided to leave he cried and said he was sorry and i just ended up staying. I really lost myself and the jealousy from his part became serious even when i did nothing to make him jealous.
He used to really hit me a lot, sometimes he would want to kill me,he had serious anger issues and i lived with all this in the name of love.

I finally left after he locked me up and beat me up with out mercy i could have died but i saved myself.
This could be you right now believe me when i say he doesn't love you and he is not worth any bit of your love, leave now before its too late there's someone out there for you, you cannot tame a monster,this is not beauty and the beast,its real life.
I'm dropping a song for the mood, so feel free to listen.

Dear diary that is all for now❤️
xoxo shuga

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